It would be easier to troubleshoot your install if you could supply a diagram or drawing of the wiring in your wall boxes.
Anyway, for the HA20 install, the HA20 switch requires a HOT wire to be supplied to the BLACK wire of the HA20. The BLUE wire gets connected in series to the LOAD that the HA20 is controlling. If you are going to use the 3-way feature with a regular single-pole wall switch, the RED wire from the HA20 will connect to one side of the regular single-pole wall switch, and the other side of the regular single-pole wall switch gets connected to back to the same wire that is connected to the BLUE wire from the HA20.
The RED wire on the HA20 is the sensing wire that is detecting a change in state of the LOAD or the single-pole switch.
If you can supply a labelled diagram of your install, I'm sure that we can probably figure out what is happening with your HA20.
If you accidentally wired HOT to the RED wire, you will not harm the HA20.